Positive Mondays

Yea so my bestie forwarded an email I sent 2 years ago to me entitled "Life's Instruction Book"... So I figured why not share it with all of you... Welcome to Positive Mondays.. My contribution for starting your week off with a Positive outlook!! Enjoy!

1. Never slam a door in anger, It might be awhile before it opens again.

2. Remember that some things are urgent, others are important. Know the difference.

3. When giving a gift to someone who is ill, consider something they can use when they get well.

4. Remember that money can't buy happiness; it can only rent it for a while.

5. Believe in miracles but don't depend on them.

6. Say something positive as early as possible every day.

7. Own at least one article of clothing with Mickey Mouse on it.

8. Don't forget that we are ultimately judged by what we give, not what we get.

9. Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

10. Pride makes us do things well. But it is love that makes us do them to perfection.

11. Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and it's a pleasant thing to do.

12. If there were no one to watch them drive by, how many people would buy a Mercedes?

13. Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, doubling our joy and dividing our grief.

14. If you know a friend has had a bad day, take her out for coffee or maybe dinner.

15. The importance of fame, fortune, and all other things pales in comparison to the importance of positive personal relationships.

Somethin' kinda like...

Tonight's blog isn't about advice or an explanation for life. Instead tonight I want to share a part of me with ya'll...Therapeutic explanation.. Now I hope when it's all said and done, I'm not transparent enough for some to understand what this is about (sorry guys) Here goes...

I noticed you how many years ago?
That day, my heart you stole...
Through growing and going into the motions of life...
I came to the distinct conclusion that one day I COULD be your wife...
I know I said I wasn't ready..
But somehow that thought is hardly steady...
You stay in the back of my mind like a dream repressed
I dont know if I should go here.... I digress
Built up inside of me like a nurtured fetus...
This feeling, I know as LOVE, is 9 months overdue
I just dont know how or when to tell you...
The confusion of my emotion is damn near explosive...
As my brain goes into contortions, trying to reconcile this sentiment...
I harbor an internal battle of what I NEED to what I want...
If God made the very reflection of me, I see it in the eyes that hold my gaze...
Astonishingly amazed... at what He gave... (sigh)
I wonder,  am I running away from what is divinely mine...
Honestly.... It's YOU that I want to bide my eternal time...


My Bestie asked me if I wrote poetry, and I figured I'd share it, and I wrote this for y'all! Enjoy!

Hate on me Hata'!

Hater (slang), a person who expresses intense feelings of hatred or spite, when the reason for this is perceived as unreasonable or spurious (deceitful nature).


Does that sound like some of you? Are you often called one of these? Do you repeatedly use this to describe people ? If so, this blog is for you! 
[Disclaimer: ALL BELIEFS AND VIEWS ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE, IF YOU DO NOT AGREE, I PROMISE I DONT CARE, Thank you]


(Scenario A) Girl 1: Did you see her hair?
                   Girl 2: Yes it was so ugly, looks like a mistake! 
Random Bystander: Why Ya'll HATIN' ? It looks great! 


Does this scenario sound like your conversations or one you have overheard? I've heard this crap plenty of times about ANY possible thing known to mankind! "You're just a hater", "Stop hating", "Hi Hater"... these are all common phrases used to express someone's perceived disdain with a situation or thing. Notice I said PERCEIVED... perception is not everyone's reality, just yours! I have chosen to do this MUCH NEEDED blog to break down the science behind this phenomena! ALL "HATER'S" PLEASE BE WARNED...


Jealousy- adjective feeling of resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success or advantages. 


Above I have defined hater and jealousy, why you ask? Well, Id like to show a clear distinction between both of these words. I think people commonly get these 2 mixed up. 

1. Hating has been defined as an expression of intense spite, ex: "She aint cute, she always walkin around like she better than everyone!" translation: "She has more confidence than I ever will, and I hate that I cant free myself." 
2. Jealously, is defined a feeling of resentment against someone's success... ex: "Just because he got that promotion, doesn't mean he deserves it" translation: "I clearly did just as much work as he did and it went unnoticed!"

If you cant see the distinction, let me point it out to you! The word  INTENSE says it all! Everyone has a moment of jealousy, because we envy what others may have at that point in time, but that is not because we cannot get what they have, but rather because we have not gotten there yet. When defined as a hater, you are basically someone who cannot seemingly reconcile within themselves, that they are who they are, I am who I am, and we will never be anyone else. 


Now, although hater is a slang word, it does hold some strong power behind it, where people do not understand how to use it PROPERLY! I walk around and hear people tell me that I am a "hater" because I don't necessarily agree with their beliefs or because I may voice my opinion (asked or not) about a situation. Now trust me when I say this.... BECAUSE I HAVE AN OPINION, that doesn't mean that 30 minutes to 5 hours from now, I'm still gonna care or even think about what it is that we discussed! Nevertheless, people are insistent on the notion that because you believe something you are a hater... FALSE! That folks is just having an opinion... I'm just an opinionated person all day long! 


While having a conversation with a few people just to get an idea of where everyone's mind is at when it comes to this thing called "hating", I learned that MOST people really don't have haters, they just don't like opinons. As much as they fight it and say criticism is good, most people don't want to be told about themselves or have anyone a negative reaction to what they do. Let's face it we all love praise whether it is real or fake, so when that's challenged... the challenger is just a.... HATER! (I always laugh at those instances, because I have to wonder, do you really think I want to be you?)


People, people, people (shaking my head), please understand that only those who have low self-esteem are haters, I know this may come as a shock, but it's very true. If someone is classified as a "hater", they very much care about what you do, who you're with, and when something will go wrong for you, this is not jealously, this is to an extreme that almost is on the verge of what I feel to be a psychological disorder. Hater's ultimately become obsessed with how your life pans out, and cannot learn to be anything more but an audience to how you deal with day to day experiences. Haters are almost like the fans of an opposing team to a sport you enjoy watching... They are on the edge of their seats when something awful is about to happen, but until that moment, they talk trash all day long, just to throw you off your course! 


I am so honest when I say this, if you see yourself as one of those "fans" you might want to seek therapy, because there is some deep seeded issue inside of you that has you thinking that you are not worthy of being your own audience and working on the faults you see in yourself to become a better person. Just let that marinate and think about it! So the next time you decide you want to call someone a "hater" make sure they are really on that level, if not, get out of this perception and realize that an opinion is an opinion and very rarely do you cross paths with someone who cares more about you than you do yourself... maybe that's why you think their hating, you are stuck on your issues and insecurities and want to displace those feelings on someone else. (Moment of silence)


I leave you with this... Whether it is jealously or hating, at the end of the day, it is you and you alone that you have to be accountable for, why not make that accountability add up to your God given worth.
      * "You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom u cannot love. Perhaps he himself prevents you. That is a disguised form of love." - Sri Chinmoy*


Live. Laugh. Love
      A. Bunny 

Evil Influence!

First of all.... Happy Labor day everyone, hope you are enjoying your family, friend's, and cookouts... Im back with my blogs after a brief intermission! 
On to the business!!!.....

Oh how we are so easily influenced we dont realize what wrong from right anymore. The world has changed so much that I fear for our futures (seriously I do).

Earlier today my cousin, Jazz and I were having a conversation about media influences. She just so happened to be reading up on this mass murderer named Charles Manson. She so happened to see him on tv and took an interest into his craziness, from this she said "They should make a movie about this!" From there we went into brief debate mode. My conclusion... Not everyone's life story needs to be televised!

I wonder... how many people actually realize that there is an influence of evil out in the world (ok y'all just hear me out on this) I mean just look at all the movies hollywood is producing... Hardly any of them are about something just THAT positive, we got movies out actually titled DEVIL... like seriously am I the only that's noticing this trend.

I know someone is going to think I'm crazy for this, but If I dont say it, who will?!?! I know there is a direct correlation between the times and what we see (media influence) Look at the crime rate, the amount of deaths we have going on, and the look at the types of movies we are showing. Is there really any reason to question why WE are the way that we are? I know we are not born to be these inexplicably evil people (although I do have to worry about some of y'all), but I look around and there are these children that have no sense of right from wrong. Now dont get me wrong I know that the parents are responsible for about 80% of what their child is exposed to, but what about the other 10%... sad enough it just takes 1 person to corrupt you at a young age!

Im not gonna go on this rant about how we are becoming negatively influenced or anything like that (save that for another day)... I just wanted to speak out on what Im beginning to see out here. I just know that on this journey called life, Im going to keep steadfast on my Jesus and not stray into what's becoming the devil's playground. Will you do the same?!

Live. Laugh. Love
        A. Bunny

Sextacy Lost

S.E.X... Shared Enjoyment eXscape! (Well that's what it stands for, for me!)

Sex, how important is it really? I mean I hear people talk about sex all the time, myself included, but really I wonder how important is it that those of us who are not in committed MARRIED relationships experience this divine pleasure? Well let me throw a few stats at y'all...

A study done by Durex (you know the condom brand) in 2003 found that

• People have sex on AVERAGE 127 times per year (THATS ALL?)
• Eastern Europeans have us beat with 150 times (Ouch)
• 2 years prior the US was beating out everyone @ 121 times a year (Damn Rabbits)

So with a few stats under our belt we can all conclude that somehow sex is important to our lifestyles, but WHY?!?!

Well let me try to dig a bit deeper from my observations on both genders. Sex is seemingly something we do now-a-days because it's socially acceptable to be considered desirable. I mean let's face it times have changed and people need to find new ways to fit in, yes I said FIT IN. I mean some guys sole claim to fame is how many girls they have humped. Celebrities are not famous because of their talents, but because of their ability to open their legs and "Insert here-->>", and the act of adultery is running rampant ... Seriously its almost pathetic how sex has become so accepted that we think nothing of it when it passes off in commercials, cartoons, and even billboard ads... Here is a shocker... the average child is exposed to 40,000 mass media ads a year... now think how that's doubled for us adults, and on top of that nearly HALF of them are about body image and sex.

So is there much to wonder, when we find ourselves, thinking who is gonna be our next victim, or where we are gonna get our next "nut" off?

Now with all the information we have out there about sex, love, and rock-n-roll (sorry couldn't help myself... FOCUS ADRIENNE)... I digress... with all the info about sex and STDs aaaand pregnancy we still manage to be shocked.. SHOCKED I TELL YOU... when we experience these mishaps. Like seriously... don't be actin all surprised when the Dr. returns with that chart giving you the run down of what you got... or how many weeks your along... YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!

It's like its engraved in our very fibers through evolution that SEX will forever be something we NEED to do, so if it's that important... why cant we wait? I know that everyone wants to experience a lil' pleasure (buy a ticket to Disney World)... but why not share it with that ONE, yes *gasp* ONE person that means the world to us? Come on, how many times do you hear a guy/girl talk about, I didn't mean for it to go this far, feelings are caught, and I dont want to be with them... YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE BEDROOM OUT OF THIS! Save it, we all get horny, we all get frisky, but self control is not some theory disproved by scientists... YOU CAN DO IT!

Now I am a recently practicing celibacy and people look at me like I got leprosy... Seriously Im so tired of hearing... "Girl, I just dont know how you gonna do it" or  "You can venture that on your own" (like im trying to form a cult) I just found through my sexual experiences that this thing called SEX, just ain't that critical in the process of trying to form a real relationship with someone.. and the thought of casual sex just went straight out the door... I GOT B.O.B FOR THAT!! (Battery Operated Boyfriend).

Maybe I'm just a little new aged or old school now that I'm growing up, but I really am realizing that this thing parents/teachers/pastors taught so long ago had some substance behind it. Sex is an act of love, PERIOD... I cant experience this with someone who I dont love, or even have no intentions of trying to get to know. If im giving you a part of me, you need to expect my heart to follow, dont look at me funny when I want to say "I love you" so many months down the road.

So again, I ask, why is sex so important.... God allowed us to share this gift of our mind, body, and soul and we treat it like its some trip to McDonalds.... Sex will forever be important, its how we repopulate, its how we imprint ourselves on one another, its how we express the greatest form of Love between to people. Sex is great, sex should be had, but sex should NOT be significant only when its done to sell music, movies, magazines, etc...

I am on my soapbox for only one reason, because I understand our generation is allowing that which is good to be corrupted. I understand that you will do what you want, when you want, and how you want, but understand this... while you are giving yourself up to him, her, and them, ask yourself, "what will I have left when that that 1 comes along"... will it be important then?

Live. Laugh. Love
        A. Bunny

Rainy Day Bliss

When do you feel your most relaxed? Are you the type of person that enjoys being alone or in a big crowd of people? Does a sunny day lift your spirits or do you prefer the calming rain outside the window?

I just wanted to blog about being in an utter state of relaxation. The most inspiring time to curl up with my Macbook and express myself is on a cool rainy day (I belong in Chicago). Today has got to be one of the most relaxing days I've had in awhile. It has been gray and cloudy skies, and for whatever reason, it just helps me get in a great mood (backwards I know). This is definitely not one of those entries that's gonna be about anything important. I just wanted to share the simple things in life that make you feel completely blessed.

• A drop of rain on the face during a hot day
• A cool breeze
• Simple laughs shared with friends & family 

Maybe this post will inspire me to later do one on how to combat stress... I know we all have it! Ok people Now that my introduction to my relaxed day is out of the way... ON TO THE GOOD STUFF!! LOL

Good Men ARENT that hard to find!

Book By Aaron Anwar Smith

So during my own little research project, I came across this article entitled "Memo to Black Women: Get Real" . It was a brief little article addressing how we as black women have high standards when we look in a mate, and undoubtedly I agree. Now ladies don't attack me on this one, but I'm just being as honest as I can be, when I say, WE NEED TO GET OVER OURSELVES. I know our struggle, I know we are a double negative (woman and black), but please do not feel like because we overcome these said obstacles we have to put down the brothers that are doing what needs to be done to MAKE IT!



Yea we all want a good man, but does it mean they have to be rich? Do they have to be gorgeous? Do they have to be everything we see in movies or on tv? For every 5 sorry men I meet, I know there is at least 1 GREAT man out there. We are so busy looking in ALL the wrong places that you may not notice that extremely polite brutha in the baking aisle, or that eccentric guy attempting to make conversation with you in line at Banana Republic.

Stop letting your girls convince you out of a great catch, sadly we as women are jealous and it's hard for us to truly be happy for people unless they are our TRUE friends. If you have found a man, and he treats you with all the respect in the world, loves you unconditionally, and you feel like his Nubian Queen... then why are you listening to your girls attack him the MOMENT he messes up? We have to do better, honestly.

Ladies this entry is not to say lower your standards for the man who lives with his mother and isn't trying to make something out of his life, because he is content with THAT woman in his life letting him get by. I'm saying stop comparing them to what you have NEVER had... Yes I mean never! Throw the lists out the window, stop going by statistics... and just go with what your heart says. If he doesn't look like Denzel, then oh well... does he touch your heart?! Ok then... dont be so superficial, even if the initial attraction isn't there physically, if you feel a connection, GO WITH IT! Dont miss out on something because you are stuck up on looks.

RANT AHEAD:

Stop looking for a man with pockets the size of Jay-Z, honestly if I hear one more woman talk about I need a man who can take care of me, I think imma flip! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, and a man will come to you! What makes you think a man is gonna want to deal with a woman who cant put effort into herself enough to be someone on her own? I truly get aggravated with women and their "NEED MONEY" ideas... YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY. I feel like I've heard this said over and over... I saw a girl on twitter a month ago post a video talking about "my man takes care of me, I dont need to work" UGH STOP!! (Had to get it out)... Is this what we have become? Helpless? You have 2 extremes as women, either you are Ms. Independent or Ms. Dependent... there is no median... Ladies hear me when I say this... Let go of those beliefs,  Do for you and drop the $$ in your eyes!

Now, let me hit some of y'all with this educated man ideals... I am an educated woman with a degree... and I too fell under that, "My man better have a degree to get with me" idea... Let's pretend for a moment that you meet a guy, and he is EVERYTHING, but college educated... are you gonna leave him because he cant give you a penthouse in New York, or buy you everything you ask for off of Rodeo Dr.? I'd honestly hope not, these days college educated men ain't all gonna be making 7 figures or more... Im just saying! So again I m saying to you... JUST FALL IN LOVE! Hear your heart and follow it!

Now Im not a dating guru, because I havent found that diamond in the rough myself. But when I see my friends with a man who is truly worth their time, it pains me when they let him go for some superficial notion! Find me a man who can capture your heart, and I'll find you a woman who has found a life of happiness, trust me!


Live. Laugh. Love
        A. Bunny

What's in an insult? (For my Men)

Let me say before I even start I just want to say my disclaimer... By no means am I grouping all men into this category nor am I "going off", I'm just speaking from personal experience and observations. 

Ok, Now that THAT'S out of the way let the rant begin..lol 

So It has come to my attention that a lot more boys (yes I said boys, because Real men aren't this thick headed) have been throwing around the word "Bitch" like its a common term for a sunny day. Let's just be real, times are changing yes, chivalry is damn near dead, and boys are growing into bigger boys and never crossing over the threshold of becoming a MAN. 

Now Im sure a few of you who are reading this are thinking, "Who are you to tell me how to be a real man?" This is not my intention because no man could ever tell me how to BE are real woman, but they could try to explain to me how as Men, they do or do not want to be treated.. correct? CORRECT! So with that said, why is it that one of the terms that is consistently used as an insult to women, ok to seep through ur lips? I hear men discredit women of who they really are everyday with this term. Now im not exempt of saying bitch myself but trust me when I say... IM NEVER SAYING IT TO BE CUTE... it's because I mean she is not worthy of any other word... PERIOD! (Yeaaaaa I need to quit..lol )

I mean compliments dont run like milk and honey these days with the intent of just uplifting another person, but seriously, we as women have enough to worry about between our own gender to have to sit here and fight a man when he wants to call us a bitch just for the sake of not being intelligent enough to express themselves otherwise. (Yes that was a direct hit to your intellectual abilities, God gave you a brain, use the right side of it to better communicate, PLEASE!)

Now I know some guys try to say, "Well I just say it around my boys"... *buzzard* Try again!! You say it around your friends, you are bound to slip up and say it around or to a woman who doesn't deserve to be put down. And please do not try to fight me on that... it only takes 30 days to alleviate yourself of a HABIT!.. (think about it)

*Bystander 1* "Did she say habit?"... Yes! I did say habit.. Lets take it to Webster's for those of you who dont see where Im going with this! 

Habit- a settled or regular tendency or practice,  Ok y'all got it down? What u say to your boys, you will say to anyone. Now you might exempt a few people from this derogatory term, like you mother for example, but that's a minor discrepancy. I know most of the guys I cross paths with, their mothers didn't raise them to disrespect a woman like that, so that leaves A.) the Father or B.) Friends or C.) Both... Let's explore shall we?

Now, who is the first man you learn from? Your father correct? So if your father is just an all around disrespectful piece of @&#% than, you may pick up on a few things, but usually the men I know who see a man disrespecting a woman, mainly their mother, find it hard to fix their mouth to let something as hurtful slip their lips. (That excuse goes out the window)

"Friends! How many of us of have them?" Yea a question some of you guys need to ask yourselves. If your boys influence your life to the point where they got you having more negative habits than positive, its time to reevaluate that friendship!...

*Personal belief ahead* I just think that if you are really becoming your own person (ADULT) than you have the ability to think for yourself. Life lessons teach us many things, but the best way to know if you actually learned from that lesson is being able to get through it with more knowledge that you had before. So with that said... If you have been scorned by a woman, your boys know, and their response is "BITCHES ARE BITCHES"... learn from this and FIND NEW FRIENDS.. they aren't your real friends, 9/10 they are single and bitter! Yes guys are capable of being bitter! They dont have your back for real, they just want people on their miserable little team.. "Misery LOVES company!"

Now if you got both of these factors going against you, refer to your mother! If she is sane and has the sense God gave her, she is your reference point when it comes to how you should treat women! Trust me on that! 

Basically guys, women deal with enough, especially us Black women... we are already stereotyped as so much. Dont do further damage to who we are and put us down. There is so much in a name, the stigma one word creates can last longer than we hope. Choose your words carefully when you speak. Respect women, you came from one, and hopefully end with one! 

Live. Laugh. Love

      A. Bunny 

Much Appreciation

I know I have been badgering some of my friends and friends of friends to READ MY BLOG, and I just want to let you guys know I so much appreciate all the feedback. This is my second blog that I've done and it was hard for me to actually get into blogging because I wouldn't know what write about what to say, how to make it fit me, until I was completely honest with myself and just put finger to keyboard and got my thoughts out on "paper"! I dont care if i got 1, 10, or 1000 readers, I appreciate everyone for their input, compliments or not!!

Love
    A. Bunny

Amour, Amore, Amor...

Love, no matter how many ways you say it, it's always expressed the same way. You can go to any country on this planet and understand the feeling of love, you can see it, you can smell it, you can hear it. Love touches 5 of our senses like a sunny breeze on a beautiful day, so why is that people look for it? I mean its all around us, maybe not in the form we would all like it, but it's there!

 I can't lie, I've fell victim to this phenomena, I call "Lover's Solitude"... Basically you are one track minded in believing that the love we receive and that sustains us is from a romantic partner. I'll go as far as to say that movies, books, and music have all given me this idea that one day (sometime soon) I will find this love that people often speak of, the one I cant sleep without, wake up without, breath without, etc... Now as a Christian that love can be used to describe Jesus, but truthfully He is not who Im blogging about tonight. Although I couldn't live without HIS love, he has granted me and everyone else with love personified in so many different ways. We just never open our eyes and hearts.

Now Im sure some of you are like, ok Adrienne, since you have all the answers to my lonely problems and there is love everywhere than where is it? I could say, our families... but unfortunately not everyone receives this love from their family members. Sad, but True!...... I could say our friends, but I'd be lying again... as much as Id like to think some of my "friends" love me... I dont know if thats always the truth... now there are a select few that are straight up considered family... their love is so deep that, to call them a friend would otherwise be disrespectful.

So again, where is this "Love" Im speaking of? Well as cliche as this sounds, its inside of you. *Cues Disney song*... But seriously, this thing takes a lot of time to figure out and get right. How often, I've looked in the mirror at myself, then back at a magazine, then back at myself, and just wanted to break down and cry. Thinking to myself, "Its not fair... why dont I look like her? Why aren't my eyes like hers?.. my lips?.... my legs.?.. etc" And in that moment of weakness, I find something in that mirror that is just 10 times more beautiful than any airbrushed page in any Cosmo magazine!

Although I find flaws in myself EVERYDAY... whether physical or internal, I have learned that THIS is who I am and as much as I preach people need to accept me for the good and the bad, I need to get it through my head, that I need to do the same. Yes I may wear a size 12... Yes I may carry a DD chest, and Yes I may not have the longest hair, biggest 'fro, or perfectly sculpted rear end.. but half the time, neither do the women I thought I wanted to aspire to be! To take a few words out of TLC's Unpretty all these things I can buy (trust me I HAVE) but who you are inside will definately reflect who you are on the outside.

Now this blog entry may seem cliche, over done, boring, but it was important for me to get this out of my system. So often as a black woman, we are made to think we need to look this way, act this way, be this person, and that is NEVER going to be true. Yes I have a 'fro... Yes I have curves... and Yes I am light skinned..lol... so not the conventional beauty... and I love it... I love me... I love who Im becoming... It was a long time coming but my true love waited for me... the least I can do is love me wholeheartedly!

Live. Laugh. Love
       A. Bunny