Love is My Ribcage

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away..." Captain Corelli's Mandolin


I decided to come back with a bang... I know I've been gone for awhile and I wanted to reinvent myself... I had a moment of self discovery and realized that Relationships/Love/Matters of the heart, is my reason d'etre, i.e. My reason to be. My topics varied before and I sure hereafter they will do the same, but I really want to concentrate on l'amour!! I have now dubbed myself Aphrodite's Apprentice.. I feel like all that she is & represents is me... a fabulous goddess reincarnated... (yea I pumped my head up like that). So as my grand return I would like to address "what love is".... I decided to throw y'all a movie quote to get the flow started... and boy did it give a great visual of what love really is... Let's begin, shall we?

noun
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.3.
sexual passion or desire.


Although love is clearly defined in a dictionary, it's very rarely that simple in real life. There are some people out there that seem to just stumble upon love like a penny on the side of the road (Those people make me sick, sorry but they do lol)... But I'm not here to bash those who have found what deep down we are all looking for, someone to love and be loved by. Since love is what we are looking for... what is this raw emotion that leaves us feeling like we are either doped up on every drug imaginable or leaves us feeling physically sick and trumps every other emotion humanly possible?

Warning!! Religious Views Ahead. If you wish to skip this part please proceed to click the X. Thank you

If you are a Christian like me you believe in a sole creator, otherwise known as God. God created man & woman, according to Genesis God made Eve (the 1st woman) out of Adam's (the 1st man) rib. If you know anything about anatomy and the location of the ribcage, you know that it surrounds the vital organs such as your lungs and heart (Does anyone see where I'm going with this???). The ribcage is a core portion of the human skeleton because of its purpose and ability to protect. Now since the ribs protect the lungs which we need to breathe and the heart which pumps blood through our entire body, it is in my opinion that God chose this part of the body because he wanted to make man a match out of something that so simply personifies the feelings we have when we fall in love... i.e Woman= Love (yea I said it, just kidding). Seriously though, God created the emotions we feel and inorder to convey that emotion more clearly he made a match for his creation from his creation inorder to provide for that creation what He himself would.. unconditional security.

When you meet that special person the first thing you feel is that moment of breathtaking glee (LUNGS)... when you realize you have found love, you feel as though your HEART is bursting out of your chest or pumping so hard that you feel butterflies. The few times I've been in love, every moment I spent thinking of them this feeling of security washed over me to know that my heart was safe, my heart's protection, the very person I trusted my life and very being with... my RIB.


I don't know if for some of you this is a good explanation, but to me this is the best way to explain what love is... we all know that it goes deeper than that, but then I'd be writing a thesis instead of a blog (Am I right?!?)  This question will probably be around for years to come with different views and explanations. Honestly no one can answer what love is like the tremors of your heart... but whatever has you feeling as if the world was yours, thank YOUR ribcage.




XOXO
 A. Noelle

"Use-y" Lover

Have you ever just been content with what happens in your head and not cared too much what's going on with your reality?! That's exactly how I feel these days... I understand Im going through a growth period and a lot of people feel like Im extremely nonchalant about a lot of things, which isn't the case, I just feel more relaxed in my own head. I dont have any real issues or dilemmas going on now, Im going with the flow of life, but somehow some way some obstacles just pop their little heads up (like I'd never see that coming)... this month.. or couple of months it's been "boys" "men" whaaatever you want to call them... just sprouting up like little weeds. And along with these weeds come these feelings... what in the heck for?!?! I mean really, Im not so heartless of a soul that I dont care about anyone's feelings but honestly, NOW you want to come to me and tell me that you love me... or now you want to try again.. come on guys... I understand it's cold outside but I dont have stupid written on my forehead do I?!?! WILL IT EVER END!!! lol

Being used, why do we do it? We all have been used some way or another, but I really want to talk about how we do it to each other (meaning men/ women) like love is never going to be part of the equation... I wont try to say I've never done it because I have... am I proud of it? No... but I've done it nevertheless. I recently met this guy... wont go into too much detail because they might read this, anyways I met this guy and he was in a relationship and let's just say this "relationship" ended badly.. now he misses his significant other (they both made a mistake and 2 wrongs dont make a right) and well she won't take him back... not now at least... and he is feeling lonely or so he says... I know y'all see where Im going with this... He is basically looking for something warm to lay on top of... which is sad because at the end of the day, regardless if he let's anyone know upfront what his situation is... he has failed to realize that human emotions, dont give a DAMN what your situation is... and for anyone who puts themselves in that positon it is by choice, but 2 people hold responsibilities in situations like that and I'll never understand how we as humans can reconcile using others for emotional support or what have you, without reciprocating that feeling. 

This post is brief and just something that was on my mind earlier... I just wanted to get this off my chest... until next time


Live. Love. Laugh
       A. Noelle

Intuitive Patience

Do any of y'all recognize these lyrics?


It's been three weeks since you've been looking for your friend
The one you let hit it and never called you again
'Member when he told you he was 'bout the Benjamins
You act like you ain't hear him then gave him a little trim... 


This is Lauyrn Hill's Doo Wop... 


Now unless you are a big fan of lyrics or really listen to the meaning behind the song, you miss the message... I love me some lauryn and the message to this song is one that is preached over and over but hardly ever heeded! 


How many of us women had parents who would always tell us protect your bodies and make him fall in love with your mind? I'd bet more than are wiling to acknowledge, and if you didn't have the parents there was at least ONE positive influence in your life that warned you of the dangers of falling for the wrong guy... But in all honesty, where do we go wrong as women... where do we cross the line of innocence to rebel, because let's face it, the moment your hormones decide they want to take over your mind, boys cloud your thoughts and we ALL lose our damn minds, at one time or another. More importantly when do we realize that we must learn from our mistakes (mistakes aren't stupid they are a chance to learn and grow). 


One of the most common mistakes I hear about whether it be on TV, from friends, or read in magazines, its the mistake of giving the most precious part of you up for what you believe is LOVE. I want to just touch on this love thing just to get to the root of the issue of why WE as women fall for wolves in sheep's clothing, and forget ourselves in the process. 


Those lyrics I posted obviously speak about meeting a guy, and giving it up to him foolishly over and over again despite your beliefs... Most of the time we dont give it up unless feelings are involved. We as women are emotional creatures... you can try to dispute that all you want, but its fact. We were created to FEEL (and please dont ever let a man make you feel bad for feeling what HE wont)... women keep the emotional balance of this world, yes there are times when we operate without reason, but we are the backbone of all that is perceived as strong in this world, with that said, we are our own worse enemy in the matters of Love. 


We let our hearts speak for our minds and become completely irrational. A word of advice... If you hear your heart speak and your mind is going in a different direction, it's not for you or vice versa... The secret to making the right decision is when your heart and head are in agreement... trust me, it makes choosing so much less difficult. If you know in your heart or head that something isn't right, and you do it anyways... how often do you become disappointed or have a feeling of being jilted, especially with a man? All the signs are there, his mouth isn't saying anything his heart doesn't feel if he's letting you know he doesn't want anything serious (YOU CANT CHANGE HIM), and yet we lead ourselves down this path repeatedly only to later feel scorned and put it on some other man... 


The point of all of this is that we let our emotions get the better of us... Not only should we feel we should think and when the time is right, our whole body will be in agreeance and all of this nonsense of broken hearts should subside. He is out there... and with a lot of Prayer and a little women's intuition you will find him... 


Live. Laugh. Love

Sextacy Lost

S.E.X... Shared Enjoyment eXscape! (Well that's what it stands for, for me!)

Sex, how important is it really? I mean I hear people talk about sex all the time, myself included, but really I wonder how important is it that those of us who are not in committed MARRIED relationships experience this divine pleasure? Well let me throw a few stats at y'all...

A study done by Durex (you know the condom brand) in 2003 found that

• People have sex on AVERAGE 127 times per year (THATS ALL?)
• Eastern Europeans have us beat with 150 times (Ouch)
• 2 years prior the US was beating out everyone @ 121 times a year (Damn Rabbits)

So with a few stats under our belt we can all conclude that somehow sex is important to our lifestyles, but WHY?!?!

Well let me try to dig a bit deeper from my observations on both genders. Sex is seemingly something we do now-a-days because it's socially acceptable to be considered desirable. I mean let's face it times have changed and people need to find new ways to fit in, yes I said FIT IN. I mean some guys sole claim to fame is how many girls they have humped. Celebrities are not famous because of their talents, but because of their ability to open their legs and "Insert here-->>", and the act of adultery is running rampant ... Seriously its almost pathetic how sex has become so accepted that we think nothing of it when it passes off in commercials, cartoons, and even billboard ads... Here is a shocker... the average child is exposed to 40,000 mass media ads a year... now think how that's doubled for us adults, and on top of that nearly HALF of them are about body image and sex.

So is there much to wonder, when we find ourselves, thinking who is gonna be our next victim, or where we are gonna get our next "nut" off?

Now with all the information we have out there about sex, love, and rock-n-roll (sorry couldn't help myself... FOCUS ADRIENNE)... I digress... with all the info about sex and STDs aaaand pregnancy we still manage to be shocked.. SHOCKED I TELL YOU... when we experience these mishaps. Like seriously... don't be actin all surprised when the Dr. returns with that chart giving you the run down of what you got... or how many weeks your along... YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!

It's like its engraved in our very fibers through evolution that SEX will forever be something we NEED to do, so if it's that important... why cant we wait? I know that everyone wants to experience a lil' pleasure (buy a ticket to Disney World)... but why not share it with that ONE, yes *gasp* ONE person that means the world to us? Come on, how many times do you hear a guy/girl talk about, I didn't mean for it to go this far, feelings are caught, and I dont want to be with them... YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE BEDROOM OUT OF THIS! Save it, we all get horny, we all get frisky, but self control is not some theory disproved by scientists... YOU CAN DO IT!

Now I am a recently practicing celibacy and people look at me like I got leprosy... Seriously Im so tired of hearing... "Girl, I just dont know how you gonna do it" or  "You can venture that on your own" (like im trying to form a cult) I just found through my sexual experiences that this thing called SEX, just ain't that critical in the process of trying to form a real relationship with someone.. and the thought of casual sex just went straight out the door... I GOT B.O.B FOR THAT!! (Battery Operated Boyfriend).

Maybe I'm just a little new aged or old school now that I'm growing up, but I really am realizing that this thing parents/teachers/pastors taught so long ago had some substance behind it. Sex is an act of love, PERIOD... I cant experience this with someone who I dont love, or even have no intentions of trying to get to know. If im giving you a part of me, you need to expect my heart to follow, dont look at me funny when I want to say "I love you" so many months down the road.

So again, I ask, why is sex so important.... God allowed us to share this gift of our mind, body, and soul and we treat it like its some trip to McDonalds.... Sex will forever be important, its how we repopulate, its how we imprint ourselves on one another, its how we express the greatest form of Love between to people. Sex is great, sex should be had, but sex should NOT be significant only when its done to sell music, movies, magazines, etc...

I am on my soapbox for only one reason, because I understand our generation is allowing that which is good to be corrupted. I understand that you will do what you want, when you want, and how you want, but understand this... while you are giving yourself up to him, her, and them, ask yourself, "what will I have left when that that 1 comes along"... will it be important then?

Live. Laugh. Love
        A. Bunny

Good Men ARENT that hard to find!

Book By Aaron Anwar Smith

So during my own little research project, I came across this article entitled "Memo to Black Women: Get Real" . It was a brief little article addressing how we as black women have high standards when we look in a mate, and undoubtedly I agree. Now ladies don't attack me on this one, but I'm just being as honest as I can be, when I say, WE NEED TO GET OVER OURSELVES. I know our struggle, I know we are a double negative (woman and black), but please do not feel like because we overcome these said obstacles we have to put down the brothers that are doing what needs to be done to MAKE IT!



Yea we all want a good man, but does it mean they have to be rich? Do they have to be gorgeous? Do they have to be everything we see in movies or on tv? For every 5 sorry men I meet, I know there is at least 1 GREAT man out there. We are so busy looking in ALL the wrong places that you may not notice that extremely polite brutha in the baking aisle, or that eccentric guy attempting to make conversation with you in line at Banana Republic.

Stop letting your girls convince you out of a great catch, sadly we as women are jealous and it's hard for us to truly be happy for people unless they are our TRUE friends. If you have found a man, and he treats you with all the respect in the world, loves you unconditionally, and you feel like his Nubian Queen... then why are you listening to your girls attack him the MOMENT he messes up? We have to do better, honestly.

Ladies this entry is not to say lower your standards for the man who lives with his mother and isn't trying to make something out of his life, because he is content with THAT woman in his life letting him get by. I'm saying stop comparing them to what you have NEVER had... Yes I mean never! Throw the lists out the window, stop going by statistics... and just go with what your heart says. If he doesn't look like Denzel, then oh well... does he touch your heart?! Ok then... dont be so superficial, even if the initial attraction isn't there physically, if you feel a connection, GO WITH IT! Dont miss out on something because you are stuck up on looks.

RANT AHEAD:

Stop looking for a man with pockets the size of Jay-Z, honestly if I hear one more woman talk about I need a man who can take care of me, I think imma flip! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, and a man will come to you! What makes you think a man is gonna want to deal with a woman who cant put effort into herself enough to be someone on her own? I truly get aggravated with women and their "NEED MONEY" ideas... YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY. I feel like I've heard this said over and over... I saw a girl on twitter a month ago post a video talking about "my man takes care of me, I dont need to work" UGH STOP!! (Had to get it out)... Is this what we have become? Helpless? You have 2 extremes as women, either you are Ms. Independent or Ms. Dependent... there is no median... Ladies hear me when I say this... Let go of those beliefs,  Do for you and drop the $$ in your eyes!

Now, let me hit some of y'all with this educated man ideals... I am an educated woman with a degree... and I too fell under that, "My man better have a degree to get with me" idea... Let's pretend for a moment that you meet a guy, and he is EVERYTHING, but college educated... are you gonna leave him because he cant give you a penthouse in New York, or buy you everything you ask for off of Rodeo Dr.? I'd honestly hope not, these days college educated men ain't all gonna be making 7 figures or more... Im just saying! So again I m saying to you... JUST FALL IN LOVE! Hear your heart and follow it!

Now Im not a dating guru, because I havent found that diamond in the rough myself. But when I see my friends with a man who is truly worth their time, it pains me when they let him go for some superficial notion! Find me a man who can capture your heart, and I'll find you a woman who has found a life of happiness, trust me!


Live. Laugh. Love
        A. Bunny

Amour, Amore, Amor...

Love, no matter how many ways you say it, it's always expressed the same way. You can go to any country on this planet and understand the feeling of love, you can see it, you can smell it, you can hear it. Love touches 5 of our senses like a sunny breeze on a beautiful day, so why is that people look for it? I mean its all around us, maybe not in the form we would all like it, but it's there!

 I can't lie, I've fell victim to this phenomena, I call "Lover's Solitude"... Basically you are one track minded in believing that the love we receive and that sustains us is from a romantic partner. I'll go as far as to say that movies, books, and music have all given me this idea that one day (sometime soon) I will find this love that people often speak of, the one I cant sleep without, wake up without, breath without, etc... Now as a Christian that love can be used to describe Jesus, but truthfully He is not who Im blogging about tonight. Although I couldn't live without HIS love, he has granted me and everyone else with love personified in so many different ways. We just never open our eyes and hearts.

Now Im sure some of you are like, ok Adrienne, since you have all the answers to my lonely problems and there is love everywhere than where is it? I could say, our families... but unfortunately not everyone receives this love from their family members. Sad, but True!...... I could say our friends, but I'd be lying again... as much as Id like to think some of my "friends" love me... I dont know if thats always the truth... now there are a select few that are straight up considered family... their love is so deep that, to call them a friend would otherwise be disrespectful.

So again, where is this "Love" Im speaking of? Well as cliche as this sounds, its inside of you. *Cues Disney song*... But seriously, this thing takes a lot of time to figure out and get right. How often, I've looked in the mirror at myself, then back at a magazine, then back at myself, and just wanted to break down and cry. Thinking to myself, "Its not fair... why dont I look like her? Why aren't my eyes like hers?.. my lips?.... my legs.?.. etc" And in that moment of weakness, I find something in that mirror that is just 10 times more beautiful than any airbrushed page in any Cosmo magazine!

Although I find flaws in myself EVERYDAY... whether physical or internal, I have learned that THIS is who I am and as much as I preach people need to accept me for the good and the bad, I need to get it through my head, that I need to do the same. Yes I may wear a size 12... Yes I may carry a DD chest, and Yes I may not have the longest hair, biggest 'fro, or perfectly sculpted rear end.. but half the time, neither do the women I thought I wanted to aspire to be! To take a few words out of TLC's Unpretty all these things I can buy (trust me I HAVE) but who you are inside will definately reflect who you are on the outside.

Now this blog entry may seem cliche, over done, boring, but it was important for me to get this out of my system. So often as a black woman, we are made to think we need to look this way, act this way, be this person, and that is NEVER going to be true. Yes I have a 'fro... Yes I have curves... and Yes I am light skinned..lol... so not the conventional beauty... and I love it... I love me... I love who Im becoming... It was a long time coming but my true love waited for me... the least I can do is love me wholeheartedly!

Live. Laugh. Love
       A. Bunny

I Love the Way You Lie...

The more I listen to Eminem's song, the more I relate it to so many instances in my life, when it comes to the opposite sex. Now before any of yall sit there and tell me Im a man basher, look back into your own instances in life with the ppl you have dealt with, when they break your heart, when they screw you over, or when they just change your outlook on how you perceive yourself. Im simply speaking to the tremors of my heart.

Many of times I have put my heart on my sleeve when it comes to men. I feel like I want to get to know the person on a different level so I open myself up to them, the way I want them to open up to me (which from my experience has blown up into my face). Why has it blown up in my face you ask? Because these particular men that I run into, happen to LIE, ALOT!!! LIKE let's be real, if you have to lie to me, when we aren't serious why would I believe you if or when we get together? Some of these lies are so beautiful, so entrancing that you have no choice but to want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Some of these lies are so transparent you just stand and look at them like,"Do I have stupid written all over my forehead?". But nevertheless I love the way these men lie to women, not just me, with the idea that telling a lie is much better than just being honest with themselves or their partners.

This is like a life lesson, as humans we are exposed to just enough to be able to decipher between the crap and the truth. Some of us more than others may have to go through a little bit more. Its all irrelevant at the end of the day when you leave the man that lied to you and learn to appreciate a good man. Yea the lessons are learned, but the biggest lesson is that YOU know what you want! Hence.. "love the way you lie"... I love the hell you put me through to find my heaven on earth.



                              Live. Laugh. Love
                                       A.  Bunny