Collage of Existance

Purpose
–noun


1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.

2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.

3. determination; resoluteness.

4. the subject in hand; the point at issue.

5. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose.
 
 
 
We all have a purpose, or atleast we are told we have one. What do you do when you feel like you can't find that purpose that is supposedly intended for you to fulfill? I struggle with that thought day to day. As much as I keep a poker face, on the inside I'm fighting an internal struggle because I know I have a greater mission... I have a passion, but when do I get the chance to show the world that Adrienne is somebody? If you can even remotley relate on some small scale to what I'm saying.... this blog is for YOU!
 
 
Life is the result of a well traveled journey, you only gain life when you have made your marks on your tapestry. These notches and imperfections make you who you are, they define you and ONLY you... but while you are treading along in the trials and tribulations of this grand masterpiece you find yourself asking... "What is my purpose?" If you have never asked yourself this question, on some small scale id have to wonder if you are human!!
 
Im not gonna lie, today I had a breakdown because at the age of 23 I feel like I should have it figured out by now (IM SO VERY WRONG). As I sat in my pool of self-pity and pessimism I realized that THIS moment right here... gets me NO WHERE! We all have our complications and our moments of defeat when whe are trying to find our way (this I realized when I replayed a convo I had with a friend of mine from work).
Personal example, I find my greatest joy in writing, giving advice through my writing and exposing myself to anyone who is willing to listen in hopes that my faults may help the next.... but how do I translate that into a career... something I can be proud of! I know I've found the answer to that issue because I want to be a therapist... I want to write my own column in damn near any publication I can get my hands on acutually, just so my voice can be heard! I love the love I receive when someone I've NEVER met tells me that they really enjoyed reading my positivity! It has got to be the most fulfilling feeling in the world.
 
I guess the point I'm trying to make through my self-absorbed rambling is that you're purpose is like the invisible wall you continue to run into, but because you cant see it you dont believe it's there! Trust me at some point you realize who you want to be and try to figure out what steps you need to take to make that happen for you... DO NOT.... I REPEAT... DO NOT settle for some mediocre complacent "goal" you have made for yourself. Go after your dreams (as cliche as that sounds) follow your heart... If I've never seemed more sincere this is the moment I ask you to listen to me. Playing it safe gets you nowhere but unhappy and resentful. God gave us this chance to touch the world from our hearts and imprint eachother's souls... don't miss your chance to be that beautiful fabric in the quilt of life that puts the bigger picture all together. We all have our indivdual talents that at some point and time we realize. Me, for instance, could not put into words the things I can write... thus I am so much better expressing any emotion through my writing. I have a friend who is utterly inspiring with his determination to be the best physical therapist ever... sure his steps may not be conventional but when you look at the bigger picture, they definately all make sense.
 
Purpose is the outcome of determination. You will find your purpose through the chances you take during your journey to be all that you can be (damn those navy commercials). I guess at the end of the day Im writing the entry more for myself than anyone else but I just have to get this off my chest... Whenever you have the finish line in your sight and life seems to want to push you 10 steps back, plant your feet firmly and realize you may stumble but will not be moved... you are always pushing forward and those "backwards steps" are just stepping stones on your way to the end!
 
 
Live. Love. Laugh
 
    A. Noelle

Amour, Amore, Amor...

Love, no matter how many ways you say it, it's always expressed the same way. You can go to any country on this planet and understand the feeling of love, you can see it, you can smell it, you can hear it. Love touches 5 of our senses like a sunny breeze on a beautiful day, so why is that people look for it? I mean its all around us, maybe not in the form we would all like it, but it's there!

 I can't lie, I've fell victim to this phenomena, I call "Lover's Solitude"... Basically you are one track minded in believing that the love we receive and that sustains us is from a romantic partner. I'll go as far as to say that movies, books, and music have all given me this idea that one day (sometime soon) I will find this love that people often speak of, the one I cant sleep without, wake up without, breath without, etc... Now as a Christian that love can be used to describe Jesus, but truthfully He is not who Im blogging about tonight. Although I couldn't live without HIS love, he has granted me and everyone else with love personified in so many different ways. We just never open our eyes and hearts.

Now Im sure some of you are like, ok Adrienne, since you have all the answers to my lonely problems and there is love everywhere than where is it? I could say, our families... but unfortunately not everyone receives this love from their family members. Sad, but True!...... I could say our friends, but I'd be lying again... as much as Id like to think some of my "friends" love me... I dont know if thats always the truth... now there are a select few that are straight up considered family... their love is so deep that, to call them a friend would otherwise be disrespectful.

So again, where is this "Love" Im speaking of? Well as cliche as this sounds, its inside of you. *Cues Disney song*... But seriously, this thing takes a lot of time to figure out and get right. How often, I've looked in the mirror at myself, then back at a magazine, then back at myself, and just wanted to break down and cry. Thinking to myself, "Its not fair... why dont I look like her? Why aren't my eyes like hers?.. my lips?.... my legs.?.. etc" And in that moment of weakness, I find something in that mirror that is just 10 times more beautiful than any airbrushed page in any Cosmo magazine!

Although I find flaws in myself EVERYDAY... whether physical or internal, I have learned that THIS is who I am and as much as I preach people need to accept me for the good and the bad, I need to get it through my head, that I need to do the same. Yes I may wear a size 12... Yes I may carry a DD chest, and Yes I may not have the longest hair, biggest 'fro, or perfectly sculpted rear end.. but half the time, neither do the women I thought I wanted to aspire to be! To take a few words out of TLC's Unpretty all these things I can buy (trust me I HAVE) but who you are inside will definately reflect who you are on the outside.

Now this blog entry may seem cliche, over done, boring, but it was important for me to get this out of my system. So often as a black woman, we are made to think we need to look this way, act this way, be this person, and that is NEVER going to be true. Yes I have a 'fro... Yes I have curves... and Yes I am light skinned..lol... so not the conventional beauty... and I love it... I love me... I love who Im becoming... It was a long time coming but my true love waited for me... the least I can do is love me wholeheartedly!

Live. Laugh. Love
       A. Bunny