The Day I Fell in Love....

How do you know when you've fallen in love? Is there some checklist that you mark off? Can you feel it like growing pains? Does it have a sound? A taste? A smell?

Have you met someone and something is just different about them? You go through the cliche "I cant stop thinking about them" moments... You find yourself smiling by yourself because you thought or saw something that reminded you of a time you spent with them? When you think of the time you have spent with them good or bad you cant help but be a kinder more gentle person because those thoughts make you warm inside? Yea, as mushy as it all sounds I think I'm experiencing these feelings all over again. 

I've asked myself these questions over and over with every relationship that I've managed to tangle my emotions into.... With that said... I wonder if  I can answer the questions I've asked because the future isn't in my grasp. I understand the love I have for my family & friends, but this love between two people that in God's divine plan makes you cross paths (in my case) at the most inopportune time.... 

As much as I'd like to avoid the thought of one day sharing myself with my "other half"... It's damn near inevitable. I watch tv, I listen to music, I flip through magazines and damn near EVERYTHING is pertaining to love and how to find it. To quote my best friend "I am in love and I hate it"

I dont even know if I can truthfully speak on it as much as I want to at the moment because the tremors of my heart are as unpredictable as the waves of the ocean. I feel like Im scared to let myself fully love because I dont want to get hurt, but who does? This is the moment of my life that I fear and look forward to all at the same time.... I think about it daily because I am and always will be a hopeless romantic (I blame disney whole-heartedly)! Everything I read, watch and chose to be in life pertains to that emotion that is more addictive than cocaine...

In the words of my fave Corinne Bailey Rae.... "Is this love, is this love, is this love... that I'm feeling?"... Stay tuned!

Collage of Existance

Purpose
–noun


1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.

2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.

3. determination; resoluteness.

4. the subject in hand; the point at issue.

5. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose.
 
 
 
We all have a purpose, or atleast we are told we have one. What do you do when you feel like you can't find that purpose that is supposedly intended for you to fulfill? I struggle with that thought day to day. As much as I keep a poker face, on the inside I'm fighting an internal struggle because I know I have a greater mission... I have a passion, but when do I get the chance to show the world that Adrienne is somebody? If you can even remotley relate on some small scale to what I'm saying.... this blog is for YOU!
 
 
Life is the result of a well traveled journey, you only gain life when you have made your marks on your tapestry. These notches and imperfections make you who you are, they define you and ONLY you... but while you are treading along in the trials and tribulations of this grand masterpiece you find yourself asking... "What is my purpose?" If you have never asked yourself this question, on some small scale id have to wonder if you are human!!
 
Im not gonna lie, today I had a breakdown because at the age of 23 I feel like I should have it figured out by now (IM SO VERY WRONG). As I sat in my pool of self-pity and pessimism I realized that THIS moment right here... gets me NO WHERE! We all have our complications and our moments of defeat when whe are trying to find our way (this I realized when I replayed a convo I had with a friend of mine from work).
Personal example, I find my greatest joy in writing, giving advice through my writing and exposing myself to anyone who is willing to listen in hopes that my faults may help the next.... but how do I translate that into a career... something I can be proud of! I know I've found the answer to that issue because I want to be a therapist... I want to write my own column in damn near any publication I can get my hands on acutually, just so my voice can be heard! I love the love I receive when someone I've NEVER met tells me that they really enjoyed reading my positivity! It has got to be the most fulfilling feeling in the world.
 
I guess the point I'm trying to make through my self-absorbed rambling is that you're purpose is like the invisible wall you continue to run into, but because you cant see it you dont believe it's there! Trust me at some point you realize who you want to be and try to figure out what steps you need to take to make that happen for you... DO NOT.... I REPEAT... DO NOT settle for some mediocre complacent "goal" you have made for yourself. Go after your dreams (as cliche as that sounds) follow your heart... If I've never seemed more sincere this is the moment I ask you to listen to me. Playing it safe gets you nowhere but unhappy and resentful. God gave us this chance to touch the world from our hearts and imprint eachother's souls... don't miss your chance to be that beautiful fabric in the quilt of life that puts the bigger picture all together. We all have our indivdual talents that at some point and time we realize. Me, for instance, could not put into words the things I can write... thus I am so much better expressing any emotion through my writing. I have a friend who is utterly inspiring with his determination to be the best physical therapist ever... sure his steps may not be conventional but when you look at the bigger picture, they definately all make sense.
 
Purpose is the outcome of determination. You will find your purpose through the chances you take during your journey to be all that you can be (damn those navy commercials). I guess at the end of the day Im writing the entry more for myself than anyone else but I just have to get this off my chest... Whenever you have the finish line in your sight and life seems to want to push you 10 steps back, plant your feet firmly and realize you may stumble but will not be moved... you are always pushing forward and those "backwards steps" are just stepping stones on your way to the end!
 
 
Live. Love. Laugh
 
    A. Noelle