Love is My Ribcage

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away..." Captain Corelli's Mandolin


I decided to come back with a bang... I know I've been gone for awhile and I wanted to reinvent myself... I had a moment of self discovery and realized that Relationships/Love/Matters of the heart, is my reason d'etre, i.e. My reason to be. My topics varied before and I sure hereafter they will do the same, but I really want to concentrate on l'amour!! I have now dubbed myself Aphrodite's Apprentice.. I feel like all that she is & represents is me... a fabulous goddess reincarnated... (yea I pumped my head up like that). So as my grand return I would like to address "what love is".... I decided to throw y'all a movie quote to get the flow started... and boy did it give a great visual of what love really is... Let's begin, shall we?

noun
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.3.
sexual passion or desire.


Although love is clearly defined in a dictionary, it's very rarely that simple in real life. There are some people out there that seem to just stumble upon love like a penny on the side of the road (Those people make me sick, sorry but they do lol)... But I'm not here to bash those who have found what deep down we are all looking for, someone to love and be loved by. Since love is what we are looking for... what is this raw emotion that leaves us feeling like we are either doped up on every drug imaginable or leaves us feeling physically sick and trumps every other emotion humanly possible?

Warning!! Religious Views Ahead. If you wish to skip this part please proceed to click the X. Thank you

If you are a Christian like me you believe in a sole creator, otherwise known as God. God created man & woman, according to Genesis God made Eve (the 1st woman) out of Adam's (the 1st man) rib. If you know anything about anatomy and the location of the ribcage, you know that it surrounds the vital organs such as your lungs and heart (Does anyone see where I'm going with this???). The ribcage is a core portion of the human skeleton because of its purpose and ability to protect. Now since the ribs protect the lungs which we need to breathe and the heart which pumps blood through our entire body, it is in my opinion that God chose this part of the body because he wanted to make man a match out of something that so simply personifies the feelings we have when we fall in love... i.e Woman= Love (yea I said it, just kidding). Seriously though, God created the emotions we feel and inorder to convey that emotion more clearly he made a match for his creation from his creation inorder to provide for that creation what He himself would.. unconditional security.

When you meet that special person the first thing you feel is that moment of breathtaking glee (LUNGS)... when you realize you have found love, you feel as though your HEART is bursting out of your chest or pumping so hard that you feel butterflies. The few times I've been in love, every moment I spent thinking of them this feeling of security washed over me to know that my heart was safe, my heart's protection, the very person I trusted my life and very being with... my RIB.


I don't know if for some of you this is a good explanation, but to me this is the best way to explain what love is... we all know that it goes deeper than that, but then I'd be writing a thesis instead of a blog (Am I right?!?)  This question will probably be around for years to come with different views and explanations. Honestly no one can answer what love is like the tremors of your heart... but whatever has you feeling as if the world was yours, thank YOUR ribcage.




XOXO
 A. Noelle

The Day I Fell in Love....

How do you know when you've fallen in love? Is there some checklist that you mark off? Can you feel it like growing pains? Does it have a sound? A taste? A smell?

Have you met someone and something is just different about them? You go through the cliche "I cant stop thinking about them" moments... You find yourself smiling by yourself because you thought or saw something that reminded you of a time you spent with them? When you think of the time you have spent with them good or bad you cant help but be a kinder more gentle person because those thoughts make you warm inside? Yea, as mushy as it all sounds I think I'm experiencing these feelings all over again. 

I've asked myself these questions over and over with every relationship that I've managed to tangle my emotions into.... With that said... I wonder if  I can answer the questions I've asked because the future isn't in my grasp. I understand the love I have for my family & friends, but this love between two people that in God's divine plan makes you cross paths (in my case) at the most inopportune time.... 

As much as I'd like to avoid the thought of one day sharing myself with my "other half"... It's damn near inevitable. I watch tv, I listen to music, I flip through magazines and damn near EVERYTHING is pertaining to love and how to find it. To quote my best friend "I am in love and I hate it"

I dont even know if I can truthfully speak on it as much as I want to at the moment because the tremors of my heart are as unpredictable as the waves of the ocean. I feel like Im scared to let myself fully love because I dont want to get hurt, but who does? This is the moment of my life that I fear and look forward to all at the same time.... I think about it daily because I am and always will be a hopeless romantic (I blame disney whole-heartedly)! Everything I read, watch and chose to be in life pertains to that emotion that is more addictive than cocaine...

In the words of my fave Corinne Bailey Rae.... "Is this love, is this love, is this love... that I'm feeling?"... Stay tuned!

Collage of Existance

Purpose
–noun


1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.

2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.

3. determination; resoluteness.

4. the subject in hand; the point at issue.

5. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose.
 
 
 
We all have a purpose, or atleast we are told we have one. What do you do when you feel like you can't find that purpose that is supposedly intended for you to fulfill? I struggle with that thought day to day. As much as I keep a poker face, on the inside I'm fighting an internal struggle because I know I have a greater mission... I have a passion, but when do I get the chance to show the world that Adrienne is somebody? If you can even remotley relate on some small scale to what I'm saying.... this blog is for YOU!
 
 
Life is the result of a well traveled journey, you only gain life when you have made your marks on your tapestry. These notches and imperfections make you who you are, they define you and ONLY you... but while you are treading along in the trials and tribulations of this grand masterpiece you find yourself asking... "What is my purpose?" If you have never asked yourself this question, on some small scale id have to wonder if you are human!!
 
Im not gonna lie, today I had a breakdown because at the age of 23 I feel like I should have it figured out by now (IM SO VERY WRONG). As I sat in my pool of self-pity and pessimism I realized that THIS moment right here... gets me NO WHERE! We all have our complications and our moments of defeat when whe are trying to find our way (this I realized when I replayed a convo I had with a friend of mine from work).
Personal example, I find my greatest joy in writing, giving advice through my writing and exposing myself to anyone who is willing to listen in hopes that my faults may help the next.... but how do I translate that into a career... something I can be proud of! I know I've found the answer to that issue because I want to be a therapist... I want to write my own column in damn near any publication I can get my hands on acutually, just so my voice can be heard! I love the love I receive when someone I've NEVER met tells me that they really enjoyed reading my positivity! It has got to be the most fulfilling feeling in the world.
 
I guess the point I'm trying to make through my self-absorbed rambling is that you're purpose is like the invisible wall you continue to run into, but because you cant see it you dont believe it's there! Trust me at some point you realize who you want to be and try to figure out what steps you need to take to make that happen for you... DO NOT.... I REPEAT... DO NOT settle for some mediocre complacent "goal" you have made for yourself. Go after your dreams (as cliche as that sounds) follow your heart... If I've never seemed more sincere this is the moment I ask you to listen to me. Playing it safe gets you nowhere but unhappy and resentful. God gave us this chance to touch the world from our hearts and imprint eachother's souls... don't miss your chance to be that beautiful fabric in the quilt of life that puts the bigger picture all together. We all have our indivdual talents that at some point and time we realize. Me, for instance, could not put into words the things I can write... thus I am so much better expressing any emotion through my writing. I have a friend who is utterly inspiring with his determination to be the best physical therapist ever... sure his steps may not be conventional but when you look at the bigger picture, they definately all make sense.
 
Purpose is the outcome of determination. You will find your purpose through the chances you take during your journey to be all that you can be (damn those navy commercials). I guess at the end of the day Im writing the entry more for myself than anyone else but I just have to get this off my chest... Whenever you have the finish line in your sight and life seems to want to push you 10 steps back, plant your feet firmly and realize you may stumble but will not be moved... you are always pushing forward and those "backwards steps" are just stepping stones on your way to the end!
 
 
Live. Love. Laugh
 
    A. Noelle

Tattoo of my "Amour"

So this past weekend I kept my word and received my first tattoo! It took me 4.5 years to find the perfect tattoo for myself and being that this is my first, it will probably mean the most to me!

My tattoo is 1/3 french & 2/3 latin..lol... trust me it was intentional... kinda like spanglish!
I thought I'd take the time to let ya'll in on my thought process...lol... I never try to be deep I just do what I like!

Now as you can see in the photo it reads  "Amour Vincit Omnia".... traditional and correct latin would have it read "AMOR Vincit Omnia"... but like my personality I never do anything by tradition!

The phrase still means the same thing "Love Conquers All", but I kinda of wanted to play with the word love! When translated in french "amour" means Love, but more precise and to make this tattoo a little more personal it can also mean "an illicit love affair"... and no Im not condoning love affairs before anyone assumes that nonsense lol!!!

OK... the breakdown!
Now if you know me, you know I've been speaking french since 8th grade... so there are so many reasons I chose to spell it this way... and before anyone says "Why didn't you just get it in french?"... I like latin.. point blank.. its not dead and it reads beautifully, I wanted to mix the languages especially since french derived from latin... annnnnnd.... "Amour conquiert tous" isn't my favorite way of saying it either. LOL! Mais J'adore jamais mon francais!! Tous le jour!

Now back to the spelling... I have been through so much in my life journey and sure I will be through so much more, but one of my biggest struggles is in the matters of the heart! My issues don't just lie with trying to find a mate, but with love for my friends, family, and most importantly MYSELF.... so much so that its almost like this on and off again love affair. Illicit mean"forbidden by law" and sometimes thats exactly how I feel... true love feels damn near forbidden and hard to come by, but at the end of the day... LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Right when I think it's over, somehow/ someway love for life, myself, others & God overcomes my situation and I win the war.. no matter the "outcome".

Like I said, I dont try to be deep, lol its just a very personal tattoo and I thought Id let ya'll in on how I viewed my decision! It's funny how the difference 1 letter can make in a meaning and purpose! If you know nothing else, know who you are and what you want. Nothing means more than your voice and having the freedom to express yourself exactly like YOU want... the only standards that need to be met are your own!

Live. Laugh. Love
      A. Bunny

"Use-y" Lover

Have you ever just been content with what happens in your head and not cared too much what's going on with your reality?! That's exactly how I feel these days... I understand Im going through a growth period and a lot of people feel like Im extremely nonchalant about a lot of things, which isn't the case, I just feel more relaxed in my own head. I dont have any real issues or dilemmas going on now, Im going with the flow of life, but somehow some way some obstacles just pop their little heads up (like I'd never see that coming)... this month.. or couple of months it's been "boys" "men" whaaatever you want to call them... just sprouting up like little weeds. And along with these weeds come these feelings... what in the heck for?!?! I mean really, Im not so heartless of a soul that I dont care about anyone's feelings but honestly, NOW you want to come to me and tell me that you love me... or now you want to try again.. come on guys... I understand it's cold outside but I dont have stupid written on my forehead do I?!?! WILL IT EVER END!!! lol

Being used, why do we do it? We all have been used some way or another, but I really want to talk about how we do it to each other (meaning men/ women) like love is never going to be part of the equation... I wont try to say I've never done it because I have... am I proud of it? No... but I've done it nevertheless. I recently met this guy... wont go into too much detail because they might read this, anyways I met this guy and he was in a relationship and let's just say this "relationship" ended badly.. now he misses his significant other (they both made a mistake and 2 wrongs dont make a right) and well she won't take him back... not now at least... and he is feeling lonely or so he says... I know y'all see where Im going with this... He is basically looking for something warm to lay on top of... which is sad because at the end of the day, regardless if he let's anyone know upfront what his situation is... he has failed to realize that human emotions, dont give a DAMN what your situation is... and for anyone who puts themselves in that positon it is by choice, but 2 people hold responsibilities in situations like that and I'll never understand how we as humans can reconcile using others for emotional support or what have you, without reciprocating that feeling. 

This post is brief and just something that was on my mind earlier... I just wanted to get this off my chest... until next time


Live. Love. Laugh
       A. Noelle

Journey of her Reflection...

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.... We all want it, we all deserve it, but do we all give it?

This blog is for my ladies. I've noticed that some of my generation of women are having a hard time learning to respect ourselves. Many of us, find ourselves letting other people define who we should see ourselves as... and I'm not just talkin men, I'm referring to our parents or what we see media-wise (I swear I stay comin' down on the media). 

I feel for a lot of young girls out there because they are truly confused on who they are and find it cute to let people degrade them. We are so much more than that ladies! NEVER and I do mean NEVER let anyone tell you that you are anything less than God's gift to this world! You never have to lower your standards for a man, because if he REALLY LOVED YOU... he wouldn't ask anything of you, that you wouldn't ask of yourself. You do not have to listen to your friends or family tell you what you won't become, or who you have become. We are creatures of change, so never think what you are stuck in, is going to be the outcome for the rest of your life!

I'm not gonna beat this dead horse, so I will be as brief as I possibly can, but I feel like I just need to put this out there. Im so tired of walkin around seeing these beautiful women, inside and out, act foolish for attention, it's embarrassing and pointless. If I had a mirror to hold up to the world, NONE of us would even glance out our true reflections, but yet we are steadily trying to improve ourselves and meet someone else's standards. What right do any of us have to put a label or a name on someone who is doing the best they can to be who God intended? I do understand that men have their struggles and by no means am I saying they have it easy, but as a natural born woman I fully understand the pressures we as women have in ANY society to be the epitome of PERFECTION.

A guy I recently met said "Im glad Im a boy... women have it too hard, from y'alls hair, to makeup, to periods, to everything" lol I couldn't help but laugh because of the truth behind that simple statement. We do so much... myself included... and for what!?! Now I understand we all like to look pretty to OUR standards, but what about those instances when someone cuts you down when you have built up your own confidence... we feel horrible because we dont have social acceptance. (To hell with it!)

I am learning everyday to look myself straight in the mirror and to find 1 thing about myself that I love and stick with it, until I have learned to love everything about me, because I LOVE IT.. not because someone else told me it was beautiful... I wake up each morning and live and breathe for Adrienne and no one else... when I die my body will return to the earth and no one will be able to speak on my big thighs or big lips... none of this is relevant.

As far as degrading anyone, men or women, based solely upon the choices made in their life... Who Cares... honestly we are not defined by our "mistakes"... at the end of the day its what you do with the knowledge you have gained from that life's lesson. As much as I have a great disdain for strippers and their choice of career... I respect the woman who has the strength to leave that life and learn from it.... It's easy to stay complacent... only the strong at heart and will can step outside of their comfort zone with faith that a better/positive life awaits them.

All I'm saying while I stand on my soapbox is that everyone deserves the optimum level of respect... none of us are greater than the other... we all bleed the same.. breathe the same... our bank accounts don't matter... our education doesn't matter (unless used in a more positive way)... because at the end of the day our legacy in life is not based upon how many people we cut down or who we hurt in life... it's carried on by those we have touched and made a difference... And for every woman who has tried to make herself into something that she know's isn't right... DO NOT CHANGE FOR ANYONE... you know exactly who you are and who you want to be... be your own biggest fan, realize that those who really love you, will love you no matter what you do or who you become. We only have one life, do not spend it trying to be something for another, because chances are they will never be satisfied with their life focusing on someone else's.


Live. Laugh. Love
           A. Bunny 

Intuitive Patience

Do any of y'all recognize these lyrics?


It's been three weeks since you've been looking for your friend
The one you let hit it and never called you again
'Member when he told you he was 'bout the Benjamins
You act like you ain't hear him then gave him a little trim... 


This is Lauyrn Hill's Doo Wop... 


Now unless you are a big fan of lyrics or really listen to the meaning behind the song, you miss the message... I love me some lauryn and the message to this song is one that is preached over and over but hardly ever heeded! 


How many of us women had parents who would always tell us protect your bodies and make him fall in love with your mind? I'd bet more than are wiling to acknowledge, and if you didn't have the parents there was at least ONE positive influence in your life that warned you of the dangers of falling for the wrong guy... But in all honesty, where do we go wrong as women... where do we cross the line of innocence to rebel, because let's face it, the moment your hormones decide they want to take over your mind, boys cloud your thoughts and we ALL lose our damn minds, at one time or another. More importantly when do we realize that we must learn from our mistakes (mistakes aren't stupid they are a chance to learn and grow). 


One of the most common mistakes I hear about whether it be on TV, from friends, or read in magazines, its the mistake of giving the most precious part of you up for what you believe is LOVE. I want to just touch on this love thing just to get to the root of the issue of why WE as women fall for wolves in sheep's clothing, and forget ourselves in the process. 


Those lyrics I posted obviously speak about meeting a guy, and giving it up to him foolishly over and over again despite your beliefs... Most of the time we dont give it up unless feelings are involved. We as women are emotional creatures... you can try to dispute that all you want, but its fact. We were created to FEEL (and please dont ever let a man make you feel bad for feeling what HE wont)... women keep the emotional balance of this world, yes there are times when we operate without reason, but we are the backbone of all that is perceived as strong in this world, with that said, we are our own worse enemy in the matters of Love. 


We let our hearts speak for our minds and become completely irrational. A word of advice... If you hear your heart speak and your mind is going in a different direction, it's not for you or vice versa... The secret to making the right decision is when your heart and head are in agreement... trust me, it makes choosing so much less difficult. If you know in your heart or head that something isn't right, and you do it anyways... how often do you become disappointed or have a feeling of being jilted, especially with a man? All the signs are there, his mouth isn't saying anything his heart doesn't feel if he's letting you know he doesn't want anything serious (YOU CANT CHANGE HIM), and yet we lead ourselves down this path repeatedly only to later feel scorned and put it on some other man... 


The point of all of this is that we let our emotions get the better of us... Not only should we feel we should think and when the time is right, our whole body will be in agreeance and all of this nonsense of broken hearts should subside. He is out there... and with a lot of Prayer and a little women's intuition you will find him... 


Live. Laugh. Love