Celibacy *My take* (Retro Post)

Celibacy- having or involving no sexual relations


I had a brief yet interesting conversation with a young man today about celibacy. He brought it to my attention that the issue with both men and women is their views of sex... (I SWEAR I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS SUBJECT). When I told him that I was celibate he responded with the mistake of saying "Oh you're another one of these females "claiming" to be celibate".. I could have smacked the mess out of him over the phone. 


Of course I took a brief moment to educate him in his poor choice of words... idiot
I clearly explained to him that to me this is an experiment for the better. Through personal experience and stories told from family &; friends of all ages, that age old tale of waiting for sex seems to hold true. We have heard time and time again that if you give it up too soon, he won't respect you, he won't take the time to get to know you, and you won't form a positive relationship. As a woman I feel like we do this subconsciously and some of us consciously as leverage to reel him in and make him "love us" or think it will somehow seal a bond that was never formed.
Somehow this young whipper snapper didn't understand that concept *cough* man whore *cough*


He proceeded to continue with his adolescent remarks and say "You must not be able to have sex without attachments"... I SOOOOO WANTED TO JUST BLOW UP ON HIM... but instead I responded without getting mad... ignorance angers the shit outta me. So I calmly let him know that having emotional attachments during sex is a good thing! I swear we have gotten so content with using sex as recreation, that we completely forget that it's intended to for a more emotional connection. I mean what kind of sex seeking slut do you have to be to find it stupid to tie emotion with sex... Aye dios mio


Its just so hard to explain to some people these days that you are searching for a deeper connection with another person.

*A brief post I never got a chance to finish*

How does it feel? (retro post)

When people say love doesn't have a limit do you believe them? Has anyone ever told you that they "loved you" but soon to find out their love was conditional... They tell you that they can't just be friends because they love you too much or because their feelings were too strong, do you ever just want to call their bluff? I find myself in some of the oddest circumstances and wanting to erase moments like this because of the outcome that follows.

Love is self-defining... what one person feels is TRUE love is not the same for another as much as we all would like to put love into a box and tie a pretty little bow around it we cant... It's a very abstract thing.

As I sat doing my hair today I was bored with t.v. and decided to watch Ghost Whisperer. In this particular episode there was an autistic couple, one of them happen to suffer a tragic death and before he crossed over he wanted to show his mate what love is.... this episode was touching in itself but I think it all clicked for me when the ghost turned to the main character and said... "What does love feel like?"  I know what ya'll are thinking.. "Adrienne, you are just too emotional and over think it all", but really I just loved that question... (I reiterate LOVE IS ABSTRACT).

Now I pose this question to y'all... WHAT DOES LOVE FEEL LIKE? I'm not just talking any love, I'm referring to romantic love. Is it like what we see in the movies where love just hits you like a ton of bricks and cupid plays dart board with your ass? Nah, I doubt that's it! (Although it would be funny to see that in real life) Does love feel like those butterflies people describe when they get around someone they just utterly adore? Personally I cannot answer that... those butterflies make me want to chug some pepto (no lie).

Being that I cannot answer what it feels like for y'all I will try to run down my "experience" with love (brace yourselves this should be interesting).

Now let me just give y'all a little insight into the situation that just occurred about 30 minutes ago... *All names have been changed, except mine lol*

Mark: "I understand you have a man, but I dont care about that, I want my Adrienne back"
Me: "Your Adrienne? Ok Mark what does that even mean?"
Mark: "Remember the times when we werent arguing, we had so much fun together and I wont even talk about the sex"
Me: "Riiiiiiiiiiight... well friends is always a good thought"
Mark: "I dont want to be your friend, I cant be your friend... When I told you I loved you I meant it"
Me: "OH please... when you told me you loved me you tried to renig on it, so therefore making it null & void"
Mark: "Ok.. if that's how you feel, just know I meant what I said, you're free to believe what you want. I dont wanna be friends"
Me: "Then your friends is limited and selfish"

You see that crap right there... THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH, stupidity!!

Personally I do not believe this mutha-sucka for crap... any man who ever loves me will NEVER tell me what he can't be if he really wanted me in his life. The fact that he cannot respect the fact that I have someone else in my life that I've chosen to be with is another sign that my heart is not in his best intrest... oooooh the signs of a selfish-lover! Even if I cannot define what love feels like I can tell you what it's not... and this it is not!

Exception to the rule

Mars VS Venus, Men VS Women, Dogs VS. Cats... its all the same argument day in and day out. This on going battle between men and women and let me be the 1st to say I am tired of fighting. It only gets worse when its within your race. How often I am tired of men making comments about "Black women this, Black women that"! when on the flip-side men are so quick to let you know they are not YOUR past. This is all fine and dandy but honestly I'm tired of trying to be that exception to the stereotype for my counterparts. I love black men, I do, but I dont get it. When did it become only attractive to be a black women when we shut up get on our knees or lay on our backs. Give me the black man that looks at a black woman and his first thought is, what a Queen... not damn look at her ass!

Do not get me wrong, I love my sexuality, I embrace it, but THAT IS NOT WHO I AM... men do not look at me and see the value beyond my hips and breast and step to me with these preconceived notions that I am not worth the time of a conversation because all I will do is yell or roll my neck. *Someone please tell me you understand how irritating this is for me*

Men are constantly going on and on about how they want a woman who has more to her mind than to her body, but will stay going after that which is superficially beautiful. All that makeup and tight clothing cannot bring you someone who will love and care and cherish you until you're dying days. I for one am done dealing with that, a real man understands real beauty is from within and a real BLACK man understands that a real BLACK woman will bend over backwards and do for you as long as you treat her with respect and Godly love.

Love Always,
  A. Noelle

Love? (Retro Post)

 

Noun:

An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".

Verb:

Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): "do you love me?".

Noun:

A gentle feeling of fondness or liking.

Physical expressions of these feelings.

Synonyms:

love - fondness - attachment - liking

     Falling in love is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life and so far it's only be twice. Why is it hard? Because giving yourself to someone who isn't God is trusting them with a lot more then they may realize. When someone says "I love you", I wonder do they ever fully understand the responsibility that comes along with those 3 seemingly harmless words.  

    I'm sure I'm not alone in this but I find myself loving hard, which is why I've never been the person to fall in love with everyone I met to begin with... Story of my life is typically in relationships my happiness level is closer to 0 then it is to 10 and when reflecting back on these relationships it has typically been because the male counterpart was not serious about the relationship. I feel like I'm falling into that mold again. I know I haven't blogged in a really really long time but I feel like I wanted to publicly get this off my chest if not to solely help me but maybe someone is feeling the same way and can take comfort in the struggle of having to truly work to have a positive relationship that you feel was worth your time. 

     I cry often. The significant other in this case doesn't know this but I do, I cry about everyday because despite it all I truly feel alone. He finds himself frustrated with me because I try to convey to him my feelings but in true male fashion he doesn't understand. I feel like I'm often at the end of my rope, everyday is a new day and a new opportunity to make it a better relationship, but its really hard for me. I'm not in need of anything, but when I say I'm alone I dont feel that emotional attachment I once felt before. I feel a disconnect and I'm lost. In all of my "infinite" wisdom about my favorite subject I can never manage to rationalize and solve my own love problems. Its a tough pill to swallow when you're whole life is and what I perceive to be my God given purpose is LOVE. You begin to feel like a failure. 

     The one thing I've told myself forever is when you fall in love YOU GIVE YOUR ALL UNTIL YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO GIVE.... NOTHING. My generation is full of those who are ready to give up and walk away or "on to the next" because they feel like people are disposable and feelings are irrelevant. That's never how I've felt and I'm glad to be old fashion. Now-a-days love is hard to come by... TRUE/LASTING LOVE so when you get it, you never want to let it go, but what do you do when you feel alone. It's hard to be confident in love when you're not confident in the relationship. 

     I don't know if it's just me, but I honestly feel like if the man finds his significant other truly worth it, he will make her feel like she is the most loved and beautiful thing that has crossed his path. I don't get that... I don't get anything. He tells me that he'd rather show it then say it, but thats never easy when you;re without. I don't know if its just me or I really am being foolish. I just wish there was a way I could wave a magic wand and fix everything and make it go back to the way it was when we first met, that was a feeling I'd never felt before and I'd rather never go away. 

Sorry to burden anyone with the trials and tremors of my heart, but I needed an out and this came to mind. 

Love always, 

A. Noelle 

Do I know what I want?!?

Why is it that some men seem to think that women just want what they see in the movies. Is it possible that maybe we have our own minds, and our own opinions on love. I just recently had this conversation with a friend of mine about relationships. He asked me what is it that I want/need from man... I closed my eyes took a deep breath and just started typing from my heart...

I just wanted to get this quick thought off my chest, not knowing if anyone else feels like me. I feel like from the moment I discovered what romantic love is, its been the bane of my existence and my reason for being at the same time... (My life is an oxymoron)


These are the things I desire:

• I want a guy who listens to me...even when i repeat myself, a guy who no matter how irrational or stupid im being is still there and has patience with me
• a guy who is a protector... at the end of the day when the world is falling around me he is my safe house... I want someone who is my best friend.... all my inhibitions are gone when we are together and I am me 110%
• I would like to find a guy who feels the same about me... we share the same views but can respect difference of opinions... he doesnt judge me he doesnt try to rule over me he loves me even when i cant seem to love myself
•